Soooo I strolled into Clancy’s Pub on the lower east side of EERIE (yes we still do hash in Eerie) to await my co hare – New Car Smell. And she didn’t keep me waiting long. In she bounced with her virgin Nate in tow. We quickly caught up with current and past events including her recent back surgery. Nice 8” scar running down her low back to the crack of her ass…guess ya shoulda been there to see it. (by the way – she was the only one to heed this hare’s request to wear a black thong…but I digress).Virgin Nate is a likeable guy who drinks snobby beer but offered repeatedly to buy the first 6 rounds of hash beer. I think we are going to keep this guy around….but I digress. Soon afterwards Virgin Cockstalker and Is It My Turn? sauntered in. It was warm and dry in the bar. The beer flowed. Virgin Cockstalker made a huge bet with me as to what Hash Time actually was (you lost – your on top). New Car thought the condom machine was a slot machine and kept dumping quarters into it until she had collected the entire set. However Virgin Cockstalker had to “educate” her about the proper usage of the “climax delay function” of one selection. New Car Smell also related the Oxycontin (see back surgery above) and a 24 pack of rubbers make for an interesting evening…but I digress.  Finally at about hash time + 45 minutes Tender Vittles showed up to represent the Corry Hash. We knew Sir and HO were scheduled to show sooooo we waited another 30 minutes. Finally my co hare had enough of the procrastination and declared “ON OUT” and out the door we went. I had once again elected to live hare. New Car Smell was to drive the BEER WAGON. I slipped her the super secret map of the 4 beer stops. Chalk talk was given and I started out  with a 5-minute head (WHO SAID HEAD?) start.

Now a bit of back-story about my trail. This is the area that I work in. And because I work toooo damn much, I hadn’t really done much scouting. So I elected to throw flour in an area I knew best. It’s also important to note that this was the neighborhood surrounding the former Hammermill Paper Company. In its heyday it employed thousands of workers…very thirsty workers. So there is a bar on almost every other corner. My plan was simply genius; instead of using checks to slow the pack down and prevent them from catching my hairy ass…I would r*n them past every bar I could find. While they were forced to check each one for a B. I could speed along!!! Yes indeed.
I went due north weaving my way in and out of the side streets. In due time I wound up down on the East Pier and boat launch. Nice place for a beer stop…but noooo I had better plans. Turning east I climbed the steep lake cliff. It was slippery. It was wet. It was full of prickers and shiggy. I was happy. Now looking behind on my back trail I could see TV closing fast. While he felt that he had me in his grasp, I knew better. Only 50 yards ahead was the oldest lighthouse on Lake Erie…and my voluptuous co hare – New Car Smell. I threw a B on the ground…
Soon the pack came in and the goodies were brought out. Beer and snacks aplenty. I had some Genesee found last summer at the weekend, some Natural Light, and Miller. I had chips and cookies. I even had a box of little chocolate covered donuts. We tool shelter under a picnic pavilion from the light drizzle. We talked, we checked out the lighthouse, some hare pulled out a bottle of Fire Water (for medicinal purposes only), and we ate barbeque chips and swilled beer. Life is good and hashing doesn’t suck! Did I mention that we drank beer? Suddenly we heard the faint cries of “ON ON” and “RU”. It was Sir and HO working their way up the hill from the lake. Obviously arriving late due to shagging in the back of their SUV they grabbed a brew with the hash. Some things never change…but I digress.

Presently I was off again. Sneaking past some bars and stopping into others the hash chased flour for hours. At one point the hash crossed paths with a guy walking a very large doggie – an Aketa. The big doggie showed great patience with the snookered hashers until Virgin Cockstalker tried to molest him…but I digress. Soon the daylight was growing dim and we arrived at the ON IN. I rang the buzzer to the front door of the Huzar Club and in the hash tromped in. What the hell is the Huzar Club? It’s a fair sized Polish American fraternal club. Private membership. CHEAP BOOZE. The unofficial home of my co-workers. The hashers all signed the guest book and took up positions around the beer and pizza. After a brief interlude TV guest starred as RA.

There were a few down downs….
Hares: New Car Smell and Swings Both Ways
Virgin Nate did his first down down ( and he had to think about who made him cumm).
Whining on Trail: NCS (and when one hare drinks..) and Is It My Turn?
FRB: TV and Virgin Cockstalker
DFL: Everyone
Sex on Trail: Sir and HO
Dog Molestation without using a video camera: Virgin Cockstalker
Looking Sexy on Trail: New Car Smell (and when one hare drinks…)

Backsliders: everyone
No Haberdashery: Swings – NCS (frigging hares)
New Car Smell showed off her surgical scar, her black thong and matching bra. At some point I think we discussed swapping underwear but….
There might have been other down downs…
By this point in time, some of the hashers were at maximum beer intake. I also understand they relieved that issue on the car ride home.
TV offered the hash blessing and we adjourned until 1/19
I cleaned up and then joined a couple of my co-workers at the bar. Seemed like a good idea at the time. None of the bar maids thought my jokes were all that funny…
Now I am home, the Steelers are on tv, I’m still drunk, and hashing doesn’t suck.
That’s the way I remember it. Guess you should have been there….why am I wearing NCS’s thong….but I digress.
Swings Both Ways