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Saturday is of course a hashing day. So as I pulled into Choco’s and Miss Tit’s place I had to snicker to see DIMA dressed in his best Valentine Day fairy outfit complete with wings and a little tiera. Ringing the doorbell we were “announced” by the hare’s two golden retrievers Hunter and Kimbell. If you’ve never met them, Hunter is everyone’s buddy ready to greet everyone with a wet nose and wagging tale. Kimbell is slightly more reserved, playing coy and guarding here favorite toy: a 12” double-ended dildo. Yes they are true hash dogs they even drink beer! Someday I’ll have to ask where the blonde bimbo canine acquired the dildo…but I digress.
No sooner had we settled in than the other hasher began to arrive. A lithe young cutie in a red running suit joined us. Dima quickly introduced the virgin of the day, Adan. He also made a point of telling all that Adan was not only a virgin but also his daughter. Hmmmm, ok Dima we get the point. Anyways Premature Spillage arrived with his next-door neighbor, John Lang. John had watched our antics two weeks ago and decided he needed to leave Corry and join the fun. Sir and HO arrived next completely taking the hash aback as the arrived on time for once. Also driving in from New York State was TYBN Shawn Simpson. Stretch Pussy joined us and returned that damn bag of 800 pennies as her payment for hash cash. The kennel rounded out when Pinch A Loaf arrived at the door sporting his orange “Elmer Fudd” ON ON hat. Quite a pack indeed.
As the assembled half minds swilled beer in the kitchen, an amazing aroma wafted over us. It became apparent that while Chocolate Starfish was wasting all his spare time lounging around the on call room at Hamot, Miss Libertitties had spent her Friday night slaving over a hot stove. Pasta covered in a shrimp with lemon and garlic sauce, crock-pots of sausage in BBQ sauce, salads and an enormous Valentine Day cake awaited our return from trail. She had also cleaned the house, decorated the basement for down downs, washed the car, balanced the checkbook, groomed the dogs, painted the foyer and laid trail. All of this while one hare sat and watched TV in a comfy leather chair and the other hare was MIA. Oh yeah, if you’ve been reading carefully you have noticed the absence of the “third hare”. Yes F*ck Face was indeed missing in action. After 37 phone calls to her cell phone by the beer guzzling hashers in was clear that she was blowing us off. So once again Miss Libertitties proved that if you want a job done, ask her…
Back at Miss Tit and Choco’s place we awaited word on Sir. In the meantime Dima returned with his cutie, Tit’s 4 Tots. In case you had forgotten T4T is still on the injured reserve list with her foot in a cast. Upon her arrival she was warmly welcomed and felt up by the assembled hashers. Still no word from Sir. So we did the only thing we could do, we went downstairs and started down downs. Our RA, Pinch A Loaf did our gracious hares Chocolate Starfish and Miss Libertitties. FRB’s were Pinchy, Premie and I. Stretch and Premie drank for “no tags”. We saluted our virgins Adan and John. Some fool was caught by Choco doing an 11-mile training r*n that very morning and he drank for being an overachiever. And on and on it went. Still no word from Sir. So we did the only thing that we could do. We had a naming. Under the ruse of going out for a cigarette, Miss Tits took YTBN Shawn into the garage. There was much debate with names like “Dental Damn” spinning about. Shawn was brought back in and Pinchy called him front and center. He proudly announced to one and all that YTBN Shawn Simpson will be forever know as HERPIES.COM. This once again proves that you always need to be aware of what you confess or how much you drink around hashers! One last down down was given to Virgin Adan. Pinchy called the raven-haired lass forward and had her stand on a chair whilst he sang her the seldom used ‘Alloutete”…furrowed brow, cumstained teeth, goiter neck and wooden eye (yes I would!). After this circle was closed and the feasting began. Who knew Miss Tit’s would provide such a feast for a bunch of smelly hashers! Still no word from Sir, so we did the only thing we could. We played beer pong. At this point it was also noted that T4T’s cast was virtually unsigned. Miss Tits produced a black Sharpie and we went to work. Pinchy drew an “ON ON” foot on the sole of her cast and the rest of us filled up every inch with all sorts of lewd comments. By now Herpies.Com had been celebrating his new hash name and was a little wobbly. Unable to see any empty space on T4T’s cast he asked to sign her chest. Being a good sport (and flirt) she consented. Only then was it mentioned that Sharpies are ‘permanent” and don’t easily wash off… This produced another one of those memorable events that you really needed to witness first hand!
All in all it was another shit hash. If you were there you know what I mean. If you missed it then you it’s all your damn fault. That is the way I remember it and cause no one else will write these damn things up, that is the way it was!
See ya at the next hash.
I am Swings Both Ways
PS…. In case your wondering, Sir did call around 9:30, drunk, lost and broke. Choco and HO rescued him and brought him back to the hash after his latest walkabout. Maybe we should rename him Crockidile Undie…guess you had to be there….
ON ON!!!
No sooner had we settled in than the other hasher began to arrive. A lithe young cutie in a red running suit joined us. Dima quickly introduced the virgin of the day, Adan. He also made a point of telling all that Adan was not only a virgin but also his daughter. Hmmmm, ok Dima we get the point. Anyways Premature Spillage arrived with his next-door neighbor, John Lang. John had watched our antics two weeks ago and decided he needed to leave Corry and join the fun. Sir and HO arrived next completely taking the hash aback as the arrived on time for once. Also driving in from New York State was TYBN Shawn Simpson. Stretch Pussy joined us and returned that damn bag of 800 pennies as her payment for hash cash. The kennel rounded out when Pinch A Loaf arrived at the door sporting his orange “Elmer Fudd” ON ON hat. Quite a pack indeed.
As the assembled half minds swilled beer in the kitchen, an amazing aroma wafted over us. It became apparent that while Chocolate Starfish was wasting all his spare time lounging around the on call room at Hamot, Miss Libertitties had spent her Friday night slaving over a hot stove. Pasta covered in a shrimp with lemon and garlic sauce, crock-pots of sausage in BBQ sauce, salads and an enormous Valentine Day cake awaited our return from trail. She had also cleaned the house, decorated the basement for down downs, washed the car, balanced the checkbook, groomed the dogs, painted the foyer and laid trail. All of this while one hare sat and watched TV in a comfy leather chair and the other hare was MIA. Oh yeah, if you’ve been reading carefully you have noticed the absence of the “third hare”. Yes F*ck Face was indeed missing in action. After 37 phone calls to her cell phone by the beer guzzling hashers in was clear that she was blowing us off. So once again Miss Libertitties proved that if you want a job done, ask her…
Back at Miss Tit and Choco’s place we awaited word on Sir. In the meantime Dima returned with his cutie, Tit’s 4 Tots. In case you had forgotten T4T is still on the injured reserve list with her foot in a cast. Upon her arrival she was warmly welcomed and felt up by the assembled hashers. Still no word from Sir. So we did the only thing we could do, we went downstairs and started down downs. Our RA, Pinch A Loaf did our gracious hares Chocolate Starfish and Miss Libertitties. FRB’s were Pinchy, Premie and I. Stretch and Premie drank for “no tags”. We saluted our virgins Adan and John. Some fool was caught by Choco doing an 11-mile training r*n that very morning and he drank for being an overachiever. And on and on it went. Still no word from Sir. So we did the only thing that we could do. We had a naming. Under the ruse of going out for a cigarette, Miss Tits took YTBN Shawn into the garage. There was much debate with names like “Dental Damn” spinning about. Shawn was brought back in and Pinchy called him front and center. He proudly announced to one and all that YTBN Shawn Simpson will be forever know as HERPIES.COM. This once again proves that you always need to be aware of what you confess or how much you drink around hashers! One last down down was given to Virgin Adan. Pinchy called the raven-haired lass forward and had her stand on a chair whilst he sang her the seldom used ‘Alloutete”…furrowed brow, cumstained teeth, goiter neck and wooden eye (yes I would!). After this circle was closed and the feasting began. Who knew Miss Tit’s would provide such a feast for a bunch of smelly hashers! Still no word from Sir, so we did the only thing we could. We played beer pong. At this point it was also noted that T4T’s cast was virtually unsigned. Miss Tits produced a black Sharpie and we went to work. Pinchy drew an “ON ON” foot on the sole of her cast and the rest of us filled up every inch with all sorts of lewd comments. By now Herpies.Com had been celebrating his new hash name and was a little wobbly. Unable to see any empty space on T4T’s cast he asked to sign her chest. Being a good sport (and flirt) she consented. Only then was it mentioned that Sharpies are ‘permanent” and don’t easily wash off… This produced another one of those memorable events that you really needed to witness first hand!
All in all it was another shit hash. If you were there you know what I mean. If you missed it then you it’s all your damn fault. That is the way I remember it and cause no one else will write these damn things up, that is the way it was!
See ya at the next hash.
I am Swings Both Ways
PS…. In case your wondering, Sir did call around 9:30, drunk, lost and broke. Choco and HO rescued him and brought him back to the hash after his latest walkabout. Maybe we should rename him Crockidile Undie…guess you had to be there….
ON ON!!!
February 11, 2006 The 3rd Anal VD Hash
While we waited, YTBN Shawn made the mistake of sharing a story of love gone horribly wrong. Being as it was The 3rd Anal VD hash, this seemed all to appropriate. It wood seem that he had made an acquaintance on one of those Internet “hook-up” sites. After several weeks of discussions and exxxchanges of intimate information, a date for a face to face was set. This cyberspace vixen even told YTBN Shawn what “treats” awaited him on his arrival! She did have but one more intimate detail to share with her lover in training. She confided that she had… ahem….herpies. Snickering and giggling we assured the hapless lover that they did indeed make full body condoms and dental dams just for this purpose. Besides if Cupid had already done all this hard work, who was he to turn his surgically masked nose up at it? Little did YTBN Shawn know, not only did he give us a great story about lust gone horribly wrong, but all the ammo for another EH3 naming!!!
Now it was time to go for chalk talk. But before going outside our GM’estress handed out sunglasses and bright red and pink balloons for all the carry on trail. After a brief intro of the virgins Adan and John, we loaded up into vehicles. This was to be an A to B trail and so Choco did his first job of the day by driving us to the Rite Aide at 17th and Liberty.
Jumping out of the cars with our bright balloons and cheap sunglasses we immediately garnered a little attention form the local winos. Miss Tits was somewhat concerned because she didn’t see any of her marks. Not wanting to freeze her cute little derriere on ice, this was of course a problem. Not to worry though as she did find her trail right where she laid it and the pack was off. Weaving our way in a southerly course we stumbled into several checks and matching false trails. Returning back to true trail after chasing one false down I had to chuckle at the bright red and pink balloon bobbing down the street. Ah yes, Saturday is a hashing day. In short order we found trail. Headed (who said head?) west on 26th Street Pinchy and I FRB’ed our way into Hunter’s Inn for the first beer stop. Once again the pattern of beer, stories and laughter began. Sitting with Sir we chatted about everything hashing and not. Good times and good friends. Little did we know, that would be the last we heard from Sir for hours. We serenaded the regular bar patrons, tried to entice a couple of cuties to join us and laughed. Now back outside the hares had an announcement. It would seem that Miss Libertitties laid the first leg of trail, sooo carefully marked. The next two legs were Chocolate Starfish’s contribution. We were soon to find out that flour was a scarce commodity during his lay. Zig zagging back and forth we found ourselves headed southerly to Greengarden. I tried to out guess the hare thinking we were headed to Ringside. Wrong again. As the trail headed south again uphill on Greengarden. I could clearly see Sir and Pinchy four or five blocks ahead approaching 38th Street. At this point Premie found an arrow (one of the few marks sighted) that directed us west again. As he continued on what we assumed was true trail, I circled back to alert the rest of the pack. Pinchy was returning but the last we saw of Sir he was chugging up hill to West 38th, never to be seen again. About then Choco drove by looking for his wayward hashers. The virgins Adan and John were walking together at this point. Adan, clad in her red tracksuit was turning into a frozen chickscile and Choco took pity and picked her up. Premie had lost his balloon and was tough to spot, as he was sooo far ahead. Soon we found ourselves at the Saucery where the cycles of beer, popcorn and stories began again. All except for Sir who had once again gone rouge and was not to be heard of again for hours and hours. Much to our amusement the barmaid was one of our own. YTBN Shannon made sure that the beer pictures stayed full while we snacked on chips and popcorn. In due course the hares kicked us out for the third leg of trail. Pinchy and Premie took the hard lead, pulling hard for the treats that awaited us at the end of trail. Meanwhile the rest of us hustled out the back and jumped into the hare’s cars for the short hop back home. Once again we proved that you should never leave a hash mobile unlocked!
Now it was time to go for chalk talk. But before going outside our GM’estress handed out sunglasses and bright red and pink balloons for all the carry on trail. After a brief intro of the virgins Adan and John, we loaded up into vehicles. This was to be an A to B trail and so Choco did his first job of the day by driving us to the Rite Aide at 17th and Liberty.
Jumping out of the cars with our bright balloons and cheap sunglasses we immediately garnered a little attention form the local winos. Miss Tits was somewhat concerned because she didn’t see any of her marks. Not wanting to freeze her cute little derriere on ice, this was of course a problem. Not to worry though as she did find her trail right where she laid it and the pack was off. Weaving our way in a southerly course we stumbled into several checks and matching false trails. Returning back to true trail after chasing one false down I had to chuckle at the bright red and pink balloon bobbing down the street. Ah yes, Saturday is a hashing day. In short order we found trail. Headed (who said head?) west on 26th Street Pinchy and I FRB’ed our way into Hunter’s Inn for the first beer stop. Once again the pattern of beer, stories and laughter began. Sitting with Sir we chatted about everything hashing and not. Good times and good friends. Little did we know, that would be the last we heard from Sir for hours. We serenaded the regular bar patrons, tried to entice a couple of cuties to join us and laughed. Now back outside the hares had an announcement. It would seem that Miss Libertitties laid the first leg of trail, sooo carefully marked. The next two legs were Chocolate Starfish’s contribution. We were soon to find out that flour was a scarce commodity during his lay. Zig zagging back and forth we found ourselves headed southerly to Greengarden. I tried to out guess the hare thinking we were headed to Ringside. Wrong again. As the trail headed south again uphill on Greengarden. I could clearly see Sir and Pinchy four or five blocks ahead approaching 38th Street. At this point Premie found an arrow (one of the few marks sighted) that directed us west again. As he continued on what we assumed was true trail, I circled back to alert the rest of the pack. Pinchy was returning but the last we saw of Sir he was chugging up hill to West 38th, never to be seen again. About then Choco drove by looking for his wayward hashers. The virgins Adan and John were walking together at this point. Adan, clad in her red tracksuit was turning into a frozen chickscile and Choco took pity and picked her up. Premie had lost his balloon and was tough to spot, as he was sooo far ahead. Soon we found ourselves at the Saucery where the cycles of beer, popcorn and stories began again. All except for Sir who had once again gone rouge and was not to be heard of again for hours and hours. Much to our amusement the barmaid was one of our own. YTBN Shannon made sure that the beer pictures stayed full while we snacked on chips and popcorn. In due course the hares kicked us out for the third leg of trail. Pinchy and Premie took the hard lead, pulling hard for the treats that awaited us at the end of trail. Meanwhile the rest of us hustled out the back and jumped into the hare’s cars for the short hop back home. Once again we proved that you should never leave a hash mobile unlocked!