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So Saturday is a hashing day and today we celebrated Tampon's 29th Burfday. Our Busty Bimbo Hare had confided to me that she had worked for weeks to develop a fool proof trail for the Eerie Kennel. It promised to be flat, dry and shiggy free - A Tampon Trail indeed.
I pulled my hash vehicle into Hunter's Inn on West 26th Street to see Virgin Cockstalker, Cumz Alone and Shut Your Pie Hole had already beat me to the spot. Right behind me a bimbo with Virginia plates stopped and gave me that cute bimbo smile that says "I'm here for the beer". Our own Loves A Lube Job
was home for the weekend just for Tampon's Burfday. We were quickly joined by Safety Slit, Schlabotnick The Russian Sausage Mullet, Beer Tool, Tender Vittles, Cock Whistle, Shitfaced Shuttle and Fuck Face. And finally the birthday bimbo herself arrived all dolled up and ready to hare.
While we sat and swilled beer, Sex Pak from Pissburgh Hash called me to say he was in Eerie with his son and was looking to meet up with the Eerie Hash. A true beer aficionado he was at the Brew Fest here in Eerie (why didn't we think of that...). In 15 minutes Sex Pak strolled into Hunter's with his son, YTBN Michael. The pack showered our Voluptuous Hare with lottery tickets, booze, sexual toys and edible treats. I think there may even been a couple of IOU's for services rendered at a later time....but I digress.
Now it was time for Chalk Talk. Out the door the pack went. Tampon had laid out the normal Eerie marks in flour....but wait. Here cums Tampon's Virgin (read BOY TOY FOR THE DAY) Ray. All dressed up for the party with brand new white shoes on.....Hmmm. Anyways Tampon goes over the marks, then giggle'n pulls out a sheaf of papers. What's this - written directions? Fuck yeah, she has Map Quested the entire trail. There will BE NO FLOUR ON TRAIL!
After much bitching, the pack was off. Pretty much the first leg WRITTEN directions went like this.
"blaaa blaaa blaaa TURN RIGHT, blaaa blaaa blaa TURN RIGHT, blaaa blaaa blaaa TURN RIGHT, blaaa blaaa blaaa TURN RIGHT and run till you find a B". Now even the most half witted hasher quickly fingered out that we were on a mile square circle jerk.
The pack broke into two sections with Lubey, Cumz, TV, Cock Whistle, Sex Pak, YTBN Mike and myself to take the lead. After a mile we found our selves r*nning past the Oasis Bar - NO B & r*nning past Hunter's - NO B. Perplexed and thirsty, Cumz even stuck his head into Hunter's for a quick recon -but no Bimbo Hare. So we took off r*nning west on 26th street looking for the elusive B. We r*n past Hagerty's - NO B THERE. We continued and saw a sign that stated "Pittsburgh 117 miles: cool now Sex Pak knew were to jump onto I-79. And we r*n some more still looking for the freak'n B. We saw a sign that stated Cleveland 100 miles, but still no freak'n B....
Meanwhile the Hare and Fuck Face were sitting inside the Oasis Bar, yes the same Oasis bar the pack had r*n past some time earlier. After they got bored with entertaining the locals with their ample cleavage, Tampon began to wonder where in the hell the pack was....AND THEN SHE RECALLED THAT THE ONLY FREAKN'N MARK SHE NEEDED TO LAY - THE DAMN"B" WAS NOT OUTSIDE THE DOOR. She had lost the entire pack, which I may add was well on its way to Cleveland. And so she jumped into her hash vehicle to recover the pack. She found the back of the pack not toooo far away. Relived she got them to turn back to Oasis. But much to her horror, she found out from Safety Slit that the FRB's were well out of sight. Zooming ahead she found us. We were thirsty. She jumped out laughing and told us to return east (Head towards Buffalo). Now she knew she was doomed to sit on ice at this point. However she could have saved her ass by tossing out a flour "F" for false or a 'B1' for backcheck one....but noooooo, she simply said "turn around and go back to the Oasis". And she zoomed off, leaving the pack to plan her fate. And did we plan... On the r*n back sooooo many memorable conversations evolved. Like leaky tents and Bimbos who haven't had an "O" in over a year. Needless to say the DFL's were first in, and the FRB's were fucked.
Once all the pack was assembled at the Oasis, we got a quicky beer and out the door we went for leg 2. The WRITTEN MAP QUEST FREAK'N DIRECTIONS for Leg 2 were 27 lines long. But if you were astute enough to read down 3/4 of the way, the bimbo hare had even written in a false that you had to turn around at....Soon enough the pack found "B" outside of Dowling's Tavern. At this point Sex Pak and YTBN Mike had enough of Eerie and scooted back to the 'Burg where the Hash knows how to lay flour. A couple of swallows of brew and the pack was out again.
The WRITTEN directions were only 6 lines long for this leg of trail.....and we were now in a part of Eerie that I had no idea existed. Lubey commented that the locals were actually stopping in their cars to watch us r*n by. Maybe it was the glazed over "I need a drink" look in our eyes, or maybe it was the sweet smell of revenge that permeated from the pack - never mind i think that smell was just BO.
Anyways we quickly found a "B" outside of place called Bobbie's Place. It would seem our Hare had learned her lesson. At this point we noticed a cutie that we spotted in Hunter's before we started on the fucked up trail. Her name is Lisa. She actually crossed paths with the hash several years ago at the Red Dress Hash we had a Night Flights. And again at another bar some time later. I think I may have even "hit on her" at the Red Dress, but she didn't seem to hold that against me....Anyways Cumz had been sweat talking her at Hunter's and so she dumped her boyfriend and came to the hash. We even found HO there awaiting us! After shuttle'n cars we got down to business. Seeing as we were missing both our beloved RA Pinch A Loaf and our stunt RA Menage A Blow, I stepped up to the plate. I called the pack to circle up. A large tub of cube iced was produced and the cry "Ice The Bitch" echoed through the bar. Tampon dropped trouser and settled into her comfy little nest of ice.
She drank for laying a shitty trail , drank for loosing the pack, drank for writing instructions, drank for her burfday, drank for bringing a virgin with new shoes, drank for.....well just because. There were shots of something. I even got two very smooth shots of good Vodka from Lubey, Beer Tool and Scholbo (I think) for my 50th Burfday.
Tags were issued to Shut Your Pie Hole (for the seventh time) Safety Slit and Cock Whistle.
FRB's and DFL's drank (that was all of us due to the fucked up trail)
Tampon drank again....
And we took Tampon's car keys away from her....
Auto hashers drank - Virgin Ray, Hash Stalker Lisa, HO, Shut Your Pie Hole, Shitfaced Shuttle
Shit Faced drank for hat in the circle (again)
Tampon drank again...
The Virgin Ray drank as did the Hash Stalker Lisa
There were other crimes, and the offenders drank
Tampon drank again....
We sang Alloutte to the Bar Owner (TRIVIA- did you know Alloutte means "Skylark" and its a real song about plucking feathers off of a bird - a Skylark? A toothless local informed me of that at the bar. And I Googled it, shit all this time I thought it meant " We want to get into your pants..."
Tampon drank again....and then she got off the tub of ice (I stopped ordering ice with my Vodka and 7 Up at that point)
And then Cumz presented the Burfday Bimbo what every Bimbo wants - a set of real handcuffs. Seeing as I wasn't as drunk as Tampon, I gave one key to a responsible hasher - Schlabotnik while Tampon safely stuffed hers into her bra. I would later get large number text messages that Tampon was handcuffed to a chair, a brass pole, a midget, the virgin Ray, a toothless local and strangest of all - a highway sign stating "Cleveland 100 Miles" Each time Schlabotnik would cum to her rescue. It would seem the key safely tucked away in Tampon's HUGE bra was lost. That meant either the Virgin Ray has it in his teeth or it dropped off when the bra was removed....
And Tampon drank again....
And then Sir arrived from work to give the Busty Burfday Bimbo a burfday kiss
And Tampon drank again....
That's the way I remember it. If your were there that's the way you do too. If you weren't you missed a shit hash.
On On
Swings Both Ways
I pulled my hash vehicle into Hunter's Inn on West 26th Street to see Virgin Cockstalker, Cumz Alone and Shut Your Pie Hole had already beat me to the spot. Right behind me a bimbo with Virginia plates stopped and gave me that cute bimbo smile that says "I'm here for the beer". Our own Loves A Lube Job
was home for the weekend just for Tampon's Burfday. We were quickly joined by Safety Slit, Schlabotnick The Russian Sausage Mullet, Beer Tool, Tender Vittles, Cock Whistle, Shitfaced Shuttle and Fuck Face. And finally the birthday bimbo herself arrived all dolled up and ready to hare.
While we sat and swilled beer, Sex Pak from Pissburgh Hash called me to say he was in Eerie with his son and was looking to meet up with the Eerie Hash. A true beer aficionado he was at the Brew Fest here in Eerie (why didn't we think of that...). In 15 minutes Sex Pak strolled into Hunter's with his son, YTBN Michael. The pack showered our Voluptuous Hare with lottery tickets, booze, sexual toys and edible treats. I think there may even been a couple of IOU's for services rendered at a later time....but I digress.
Now it was time for Chalk Talk. Out the door the pack went. Tampon had laid out the normal Eerie marks in flour....but wait. Here cums Tampon's Virgin (read BOY TOY FOR THE DAY) Ray. All dressed up for the party with brand new white shoes on.....Hmmm. Anyways Tampon goes over the marks, then giggle'n pulls out a sheaf of papers. What's this - written directions? Fuck yeah, she has Map Quested the entire trail. There will BE NO FLOUR ON TRAIL!
After much bitching, the pack was off. Pretty much the first leg WRITTEN directions went like this.
"blaaa blaaa blaaa TURN RIGHT, blaaa blaaa blaa TURN RIGHT, blaaa blaaa blaaa TURN RIGHT, blaaa blaaa blaaa TURN RIGHT and run till you find a B". Now even the most half witted hasher quickly fingered out that we were on a mile square circle jerk.
The pack broke into two sections with Lubey, Cumz, TV, Cock Whistle, Sex Pak, YTBN Mike and myself to take the lead. After a mile we found our selves r*nning past the Oasis Bar - NO B & r*nning past Hunter's - NO B. Perplexed and thirsty, Cumz even stuck his head into Hunter's for a quick recon -but no Bimbo Hare. So we took off r*nning west on 26th street looking for the elusive B. We r*n past Hagerty's - NO B THERE. We continued and saw a sign that stated "Pittsburgh 117 miles: cool now Sex Pak knew were to jump onto I-79. And we r*n some more still looking for the freak'n B. We saw a sign that stated Cleveland 100 miles, but still no freak'n B....
Meanwhile the Hare and Fuck Face were sitting inside the Oasis Bar, yes the same Oasis bar the pack had r*n past some time earlier. After they got bored with entertaining the locals with their ample cleavage, Tampon began to wonder where in the hell the pack was....AND THEN SHE RECALLED THAT THE ONLY FREAKN'N MARK SHE NEEDED TO LAY - THE DAMN"B" WAS NOT OUTSIDE THE DOOR. She had lost the entire pack, which I may add was well on its way to Cleveland. And so she jumped into her hash vehicle to recover the pack. She found the back of the pack not toooo far away. Relived she got them to turn back to Oasis. But much to her horror, she found out from Safety Slit that the FRB's were well out of sight. Zooming ahead she found us. We were thirsty. She jumped out laughing and told us to return east (Head towards Buffalo). Now she knew she was doomed to sit on ice at this point. However she could have saved her ass by tossing out a flour "F" for false or a 'B1' for backcheck one....but noooooo, she simply said "turn around and go back to the Oasis". And she zoomed off, leaving the pack to plan her fate. And did we plan... On the r*n back sooooo many memorable conversations evolved. Like leaky tents and Bimbos who haven't had an "O" in over a year. Needless to say the DFL's were first in, and the FRB's were fucked.
Once all the pack was assembled at the Oasis, we got a quicky beer and out the door we went for leg 2. The WRITTEN MAP QUEST FREAK'N DIRECTIONS for Leg 2 were 27 lines long. But if you were astute enough to read down 3/4 of the way, the bimbo hare had even written in a false that you had to turn around at....Soon enough the pack found "B" outside of Dowling's Tavern. At this point Sex Pak and YTBN Mike had enough of Eerie and scooted back to the 'Burg where the Hash knows how to lay flour. A couple of swallows of brew and the pack was out again.
The WRITTEN directions were only 6 lines long for this leg of trail.....and we were now in a part of Eerie that I had no idea existed. Lubey commented that the locals were actually stopping in their cars to watch us r*n by. Maybe it was the glazed over "I need a drink" look in our eyes, or maybe it was the sweet smell of revenge that permeated from the pack - never mind i think that smell was just BO.
Anyways we quickly found a "B" outside of place called Bobbie's Place. It would seem our Hare had learned her lesson. At this point we noticed a cutie that we spotted in Hunter's before we started on the fucked up trail. Her name is Lisa. She actually crossed paths with the hash several years ago at the Red Dress Hash we had a Night Flights. And again at another bar some time later. I think I may have even "hit on her" at the Red Dress, but she didn't seem to hold that against me....Anyways Cumz had been sweat talking her at Hunter's and so she dumped her boyfriend and came to the hash. We even found HO there awaiting us! After shuttle'n cars we got down to business. Seeing as we were missing both our beloved RA Pinch A Loaf and our stunt RA Menage A Blow, I stepped up to the plate. I called the pack to circle up. A large tub of cube iced was produced and the cry "Ice The Bitch" echoed through the bar. Tampon dropped trouser and settled into her comfy little nest of ice.
She drank for laying a shitty trail , drank for loosing the pack, drank for writing instructions, drank for her burfday, drank for bringing a virgin with new shoes, drank for.....well just because. There were shots of something. I even got two very smooth shots of good Vodka from Lubey, Beer Tool and Scholbo (I think) for my 50th Burfday.
Tags were issued to Shut Your Pie Hole (for the seventh time) Safety Slit and Cock Whistle.
FRB's and DFL's drank (that was all of us due to the fucked up trail)
Tampon drank again....
And we took Tampon's car keys away from her....
Auto hashers drank - Virgin Ray, Hash Stalker Lisa, HO, Shut Your Pie Hole, Shitfaced Shuttle
Shit Faced drank for hat in the circle (again)
Tampon drank again...
The Virgin Ray drank as did the Hash Stalker Lisa
There were other crimes, and the offenders drank
Tampon drank again....
We sang Alloutte to the Bar Owner (TRIVIA- did you know Alloutte means "Skylark" and its a real song about plucking feathers off of a bird - a Skylark? A toothless local informed me of that at the bar. And I Googled it, shit all this time I thought it meant " We want to get into your pants..."
Tampon drank again....and then she got off the tub of ice (I stopped ordering ice with my Vodka and 7 Up at that point)
And then Cumz presented the Burfday Bimbo what every Bimbo wants - a set of real handcuffs. Seeing as I wasn't as drunk as Tampon, I gave one key to a responsible hasher - Schlabotnik while Tampon safely stuffed hers into her bra. I would later get large number text messages that Tampon was handcuffed to a chair, a brass pole, a midget, the virgin Ray, a toothless local and strangest of all - a highway sign stating "Cleveland 100 Miles" Each time Schlabotnik would cum to her rescue. It would seem the key safely tucked away in Tampon's HUGE bra was lost. That meant either the Virgin Ray has it in his teeth or it dropped off when the bra was removed....
And Tampon drank again....
And then Sir arrived from work to give the Busty Burfday Bimbo a burfday kiss
And Tampon drank again....
That's the way I remember it. If your were there that's the way you do too. If you weren't you missed a shit hash.
On On
Swings Both Ways
April 17th 2010 - Tampons Burfday Hash - A fucked up trail(s)
