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This, of course, goes from my memory, which means it will be entirely skewed and all about me: First off, I took the trek (the long, scenic route of course) to Albion-on and actually found the Railway Inn on my first attempt. So, I saunter up to the bar, swing open the door (at 2:05) and there’s not a hasher to be found. I looked everywhere, in the back rooms, the bathrooms, behind the bar, under the bar, not a single damned hasher. Just me, with all three individuals patronizing the bar staring at me. So I go back out to the car, check my smell phone and the flyer and yeah, I’m in the right place. I go back, order a beer and hang with the locals for a bit. The bartendress asked if I was one of those people with the “running group” and thinking fast, I denied it entirely, but eventually admitted that yes, I was indeed a hasher. So we talked about hashing and what it’s about (BEER!) for a bit, I got all their life stories and a guy named BOB stated that he was truly interested in trying out the hashing thing. So I got his e-mail address and told him I’d send him some info on the next hash, of course I have no idea what happened to it now.
Finally Soggy gets there (I’m on my 12th drink by this point) and much love was exchanged while other hashers started trickling in. We have no idea what Pinchy’s up to at this point, was he laying trail? Wanking? Who knows! A.Y.T. and PREMATURE SPILLAGE made their grand entrance, along with YTBN John and MENAGE BLOW, soon after VIRGIN COCKSTALKER and YTBN Mark traipsed in while everyone exchanged greetings and beer was poured. SIR and HO even made it sort of on time with STRETCH PUSSY (they were On their way. On I-90. On route. On on!) TENDER VITTLES also graced us with his presence in due time, while YTBN Maggie May whimpered in the TV-mobile.
Finally, Pinchy decides to join us wearing the biggest sombrero you ever saw, lookin’ like a Latino pimp. Soggy sported a sombrero fit for a 5 yr old Latina HO. Both were looking quite sexy in their Mexican influenced garb. Some bimbo stated that she was also dressed for the occasion; you just couldn’t tell by her shiggy-proof pants and shirt, apparently she was sporting a taco and maracas and was on the prowl for some “hot sauce.” Many offers were made, more BEERS were imbibed and soon we were on our way to start trail.
Pinchy commented that he hoped we all had recent tetanus shots, hmmm…this was going to be interesting. He gave us the brief version of what we’re looking for, promised no shiggy, and we were off on the railroad tracks looking for flour or toilet paper. Soon enough there was a check and Sir and I ran off one way and it turned out to be an F without the courtesy of the F, after finding absolutely no flour, I turned and headed back to join up with the rest of the pack while Sir trudged onward. I think this is where he became conveniently lost. Apparently he was up for some zen hashing.
Finally Soggy gets there (I’m on my 12th drink by this point) and much love was exchanged while other hashers started trickling in. We have no idea what Pinchy’s up to at this point, was he laying trail? Wanking? Who knows! A.Y.T. and PREMATURE SPILLAGE made their grand entrance, along with YTBN John and MENAGE BLOW, soon after VIRGIN COCKSTALKER and YTBN Mark traipsed in while everyone exchanged greetings and beer was poured. SIR and HO even made it sort of on time with STRETCH PUSSY (they were On their way. On I-90. On route. On on!) TENDER VITTLES also graced us with his presence in due time, while YTBN Maggie May whimpered in the TV-mobile.
Finally, Pinchy decides to join us wearing the biggest sombrero you ever saw, lookin’ like a Latino pimp. Soggy sported a sombrero fit for a 5 yr old Latina HO. Both were looking quite sexy in their Mexican influenced garb. Some bimbo stated that she was also dressed for the occasion; you just couldn’t tell by her shiggy-proof pants and shirt, apparently she was sporting a taco and maracas and was on the prowl for some “hot sauce.” Many offers were made, more BEERS were imbibed and soon we were on our way to start trail.
Pinchy commented that he hoped we all had recent tetanus shots, hmmm…this was going to be interesting. He gave us the brief version of what we’re looking for, promised no shiggy, and we were off on the railroad tracks looking for flour or toilet paper. Soon enough there was a check and Sir and I ran off one way and it turned out to be an F without the courtesy of the F, after finding absolutely no flour, I turned and headed back to join up with the rest of the pack while Sir trudged onward. I think this is where he became conveniently lost. Apparently he was up for some zen hashing.
May Sexth, 2006 SEXO de MAYO Hash # 437
After trouncing through schoolyards and neighborhoods, of course the trail led us to some serious shiggy next to a minor creek (crick?) while Virgin, Preemie, AYT, HO, Stretch Pussy and I tried to keep to trail. TV spotted a turkey lounging on its nest in the woods. But of course, TV, being the FRB he always is, was soon far ahead and he and YTBN Maggie May disappeared. Between all of us, we managed to have the brain power of one reasonably intelligent individual and we kept to trail after being on/off/on/off all the time. By the time we were nearing the end of the first leg the sun had come out, it was warm, the shiggy was fierce and I was starting to wonder if there was actually any beer. We finally found the way, which was up a steep crap-laden embankment. You had to climb up through broken glass, scrap metal, dead animals and used syringes just to get there. I reflected on my medical history and was happy to note that I had actually had a tetanus shot about two years ago. Don’t know about the rest of the wankers though. It all paid off: this was no ordinary beer stop, this was a MARGARITA stop! Mama me la chocha, ay carumba! And those were some strong margaritas! Soggy handed us each a plastic martini glass filled to the brim and embellished with our hash name, though mine stated Genital Hospital/Sloppy Wet Fuck (now that I’m named, I can say whatever I want with no fear of retribution!) We took a long time at this stop because the food and the margaritas were so good, though Soggy almost lost some of her margarita through her nose at one point. Not sure what happened there.
After discussing our suspicions that Sir was back at the bar and what he was missing out on, we were off on trail again, this time through a gas equipment graveyard. Those margaritas must have been pretty strong (or I’m just a klutz) because I got tripped up by the uneven ground. TV, being the smart-ass questioned “First day with the new feet?” and chuckled to himself. Seconds later, TV trips on the ruts. That, my friends, is instant karma. It was difficult to stop laughing at his plight, but eventually I did. About 5-10 minutes later I was walking with Pinchy and stumbled again, while Pinchy snickered and said something along the lines of “Nice Trip?” Before he could get out the “Couldn’t afford it” line, he also tripped. All that meditation and dabbling in the black arts is finally paying off! The next time I tripped, Pinchy asked very politely if I was okay. Nice. His voodoo doll will be spared.
Okay, enough about trail, it was shitty. We finally ended up at Casa de Soggy y Pinchy, where we were kept out in the barn like common animals. Smart move, considering how TV’s legs were streaked with blood and gore. After everyone (except Sir) arrived, we hopped in the Soggy mobile to pick up the vehicles, ate more snacks and got ready for the down-downs. Sir finally showed up and we ragged on him, of course. We decided that it was high time that YTBN John was named, and certainly YTBN Mark was due as well. They were taken to an undisclosed location while the discussions took place. I’m not sure entirely what happened but it was discussed that John liked his Heineken fresh, and Mark liked hot penis? Like I said, it’s not entirely clear. However, after about an hour of waiting for them to cum back, we decided to eat first. Ohhhh did we eat. Tacos, nachos, beans, fantastic guacamole, the consensus was that the food was muy delicioso. Finally, on to the down-downs and namings!
Back in the barn, Pinchy took his place as RA and brought out a new hash toy, the EH3 SCHPANKING SCHTICK. An artfully branded old school paddle. He made the mistake of handing it to me and introduced it to all of us. The schtick was going to be used tonight. My first victim was none other than Pinchy himself, I believe it was for a shitty trail. He drops his pants while I wound up and CRACK! I think it made his eyes water. Not ever having used a paddle before, I didn’t realize that you don’t really have to use much force at all for effect. Oops! Pinchy had a paddle-shaped mark on his left cheek that looked vicious. He quickly recovered when I rubbed it well and was soon saying “Thank you ma’am, may I have another?” Is it the rubbing or the schpanking they like?
On-on to naming. First, YTBN Mark was brought into the circle and Pinchy said “blah, blah, blah…” Mark shall now and forever be known as JALAPENIS. After he received his bare-ass spanking like a trooper (fyi: he really liked it), he signed his new name to the schtick and there was some argument on how to spell it. Next YTBN John was in the spotlight and after a recounting of his passion for fresh heinie, Pinchy declared that he shall now and forever be known as SKUNKY HEINIE. He took the schtick like a trooper and signed his new name, looking somewhat confused. It can’t be good to undertake namings when everyone’s chock full of beans, rice and guacamole.
Everyone eventually ended up doing a down-down and I was obviously taking much delight in my new role as the Spankomatrix. Some enjoyed it more than others, but everyone got it. Including me. Yes, remember what I said about karma? Stupid karma. When my turn for a down-down came (I was punished for leaving behind my prize from the chili-o-rama, I got last place with my burnt chili!), Senorita Soggy Box quickly volunteered to fill in as Schpankomatrix and took the beloved schtick out of my hands. Of course, everyone had it bare-assed, so I’m a sport, right. Yikes. Soggy knew that I was mortified and man did she work it. She tried getting me ass-out to the crowd, but I managed to weasel out of that. With my pants down as little as possible, Soggy rubbed my ass (a lot) and tapped it with the paddle, making me squirm while all the wankers and wankerettes had some good laughs. She took about 10 hours before she actually swatted me, she made me suffer. Soon I was saying, PLEASE! WOULDYA JUST DO IT! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! YTBN Maggie May kept jumping up on me, not sure what that was about. But finally Soggy had decided that I’d been tortured enough (for now) and she gave me a little swat to teach me a lesson. Lesson learned! I finally got to pull my pants back up and got the schtick back. You’d think I would have been humbled, nawwww, I swaggered around with it like a megalomaniac, most of those wankers like it I tell ya.
To round things up for the night, Pinchy brought out two piñatas, one homemade in the shape of bicho y cojones which was hung first. I made short work of it as the first one up when I got a lucky shot. The llama shaped one proved a bit more difficult, but we took it out and helped ourselves to candy, condoms, body parts, exploding streamers (poor Blow!) and toys. Those remaining staggered back to the house to see if there were more margaritas (there were!) It was a great time and Senorita Soggy y Senor Pinchy made it that way. Congrats to the boys on their new names, may they bask in the glow (off of Pinchy’s red ass.)
And that’s the way it all went down-down.
Genital Hospital
Everyone eventually ended up doing a down-down and I was obviously taking much delight in my new role as the Spankomatrix. Some enjoyed it more than others, but everyone got it. Including me. Yes, remember what I said about karma? Stupid karma. When my turn for a down-down came (I was punished for leaving behind my prize from the chili-o-rama, I got last place with my burnt chili!), Senorita Soggy Box quickly volunteered to fill in as Schpankomatrix and took the beloved schtick out of my hands. Of course, everyone had it bare-assed, so I’m a sport, right. Yikes. Soggy knew that I was mortified and man did she work it. She tried getting me ass-out to the crowd, but I managed to weasel out of that. With my pants down as little as possible, Soggy rubbed my ass (a lot) and tapped it with the paddle, making me squirm while all the wankers and wankerettes had some good laughs. She took about 10 hours before she actually swatted me, she made me suffer. Soon I was saying, PLEASE! WOULDYA JUST DO IT! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! YTBN Maggie May kept jumping up on me, not sure what that was about. But finally Soggy had decided that I’d been tortured enough (for now) and she gave me a little swat to teach me a lesson. Lesson learned! I finally got to pull my pants back up and got the schtick back. You’d think I would have been humbled, nawwww, I swaggered around with it like a megalomaniac, most of those wankers like it I tell ya.
To round things up for the night, Pinchy brought out two piñatas, one homemade in the shape of bicho y cojones which was hung first. I made short work of it as the first one up when I got a lucky shot. The llama shaped one proved a bit more difficult, but we took it out and helped ourselves to candy, condoms, body parts, exploding streamers (poor Blow!) and toys. Those remaining staggered back to the house to see if there were more margaritas (there were!) It was a great time and Senorita Soggy y Senor Pinchy made it that way. Congrats to the boys on their new names, may they bask in the glow (off of Pinchy’s red ass.)
And that’s the way it all went down-down.
Genital Hospital