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Saturday is a hashing day. And so there I waited at Assbury Woods all set to hare my first hash as GM of the Eerie R*n…. ah I mean the Eerie Hash House Harriers.
The only problem was it was hash time and all I had around me were not 1 but 5 virgins!!! No hashers to be seen. And to make things worse, they were all members of some anal-retentive Triathlon Club. Lean and long of leg with washboard abs and toned arms and no body fat, they stood around sipping Gatorade. The irony of the situation was lost upon them….
You see, I had threatened long and hard that if I were made GM, I would make all trails road races, discontinue beer and introduce Gatorade and do away with bras and introduce bib numbers to all “cumpetitors”. Obviously the threat had backfired and the hash had called my bluff. As an attempt to poke fun at the hash, I had bought an ample supply of Gatorade, bagels, bananas and a stack of race bib numbers. So Virgins Jenna, Karen, Michelle, Abbey and Keith thought nothing of the fact that there was no beer to be seen. Actually Michelle had done a Red Dress several years ago with me, but had never done an actual trail hash. To them being at Assbury Woods to do a trail run and eating bagels and Gatorade seemed normal. They were even wearing heart rate monitors and sports watches!!! Seeing as I was doing my “live hare’ trail again, I was worried that they wood actually catch me.
This thought was cumpounded by the fact that I had done no scouting and only minutes before had returned from dropping off two “care packages” at key refreshment positions. However to my credit I had done dozens of runs here with a girl I used to date…but that is another story. Anyways at that moment my cell rang and it was Ménage Blow and Crazze Pong Bitch. They were enroute! Yeah-real hashers!!!!!
In a few moments they arrived and were horrified to find not beer but a bright orange Gatorade container to swizzle out of. And bagels and bananas too, WTF!!! The shock was short lived as Keith had stripped out of his shirt. Clad only in Spandex shorts, all tanned and toned with abs that could have only been surgically implanted, he instantly had CPB’s undivided attention. And Blow was about to stroke out trying to introduce himself to the long legged perky nipple foursome, who themselves were in short shorts and bra tops. Man, hashing doesn’t suck!
After intros and chalk talk I was off. I hoped that someone wood stop drooling long enough to remember to start their watch and follow flour into the wooded trails. This area has numerous double wide trails, all chipped in wood bark. It meanders through several hundred acres of forest with Elk Creek dividing it. I ran thought the upper sections and worked my way down to Elk Creek. Carefully avoiding the bridge that spans the creek I searched out a deeper water crossing. Immediately after that the hillside rose steeply up the other side and required several switchbacks to gain elevation. It also offered me a good place to watch my back trail. No sooner had I gotten to the top but the four virgin chickey babes splashed into the creek. Frisky little wenches! Shortly after CPB and the half nekked Keith jumped in. Just as I had hoped a big ol’ game of “splash and dash” broke out. It was at this point that Jenna found out why its unwise to wear a white sports bra around water…can you say “see through”? Ah yes hashing doesn’t suck!
Just as they were getting out Blow limped into view, favoring his bad knee. At this point I was off again, knowing I only had a half a mile to go to the first beer stop. Shortly the thirsty hashers and virgins arrived at the “B” and the brewskis were popped open. Let me just say this: Triathletes can drink. Blow lead the group in a song and I was off. I laid a pretty easy trail and made it to Browns Farm with the pack at my heels. Let me just say this: Triathletes can freak’n run too! That leg was too close for comfort. At the second beer stop I did my best to slow down the FRB’s by issuing double doses of amber brew. Blow led us in another song and I was off
The only problem was it was hash time and all I had around me were not 1 but 5 virgins!!! No hashers to be seen. And to make things worse, they were all members of some anal-retentive Triathlon Club. Lean and long of leg with washboard abs and toned arms and no body fat, they stood around sipping Gatorade. The irony of the situation was lost upon them….
You see, I had threatened long and hard that if I were made GM, I would make all trails road races, discontinue beer and introduce Gatorade and do away with bras and introduce bib numbers to all “cumpetitors”. Obviously the threat had backfired and the hash had called my bluff. As an attempt to poke fun at the hash, I had bought an ample supply of Gatorade, bagels, bananas and a stack of race bib numbers. So Virgins Jenna, Karen, Michelle, Abbey and Keith thought nothing of the fact that there was no beer to be seen. Actually Michelle had done a Red Dress several years ago with me, but had never done an actual trail hash. To them being at Assbury Woods to do a trail run and eating bagels and Gatorade seemed normal. They were even wearing heart rate monitors and sports watches!!! Seeing as I was doing my “live hare’ trail again, I was worried that they wood actually catch me.
This thought was cumpounded by the fact that I had done no scouting and only minutes before had returned from dropping off two “care packages” at key refreshment positions. However to my credit I had done dozens of runs here with a girl I used to date…but that is another story. Anyways at that moment my cell rang and it was Ménage Blow and Crazze Pong Bitch. They were enroute! Yeah-real hashers!!!!!
In a few moments they arrived and were horrified to find not beer but a bright orange Gatorade container to swizzle out of. And bagels and bananas too, WTF!!! The shock was short lived as Keith had stripped out of his shirt. Clad only in Spandex shorts, all tanned and toned with abs that could have only been surgically implanted, he instantly had CPB’s undivided attention. And Blow was about to stroke out trying to introduce himself to the long legged perky nipple foursome, who themselves were in short shorts and bra tops. Man, hashing doesn’t suck!
After intros and chalk talk I was off. I hoped that someone wood stop drooling long enough to remember to start their watch and follow flour into the wooded trails. This area has numerous double wide trails, all chipped in wood bark. It meanders through several hundred acres of forest with Elk Creek dividing it. I ran thought the upper sections and worked my way down to Elk Creek. Carefully avoiding the bridge that spans the creek I searched out a deeper water crossing. Immediately after that the hillside rose steeply up the other side and required several switchbacks to gain elevation. It also offered me a good place to watch my back trail. No sooner had I gotten to the top but the four virgin chickey babes splashed into the creek. Frisky little wenches! Shortly after CPB and the half nekked Keith jumped in. Just as I had hoped a big ol’ game of “splash and dash” broke out. It was at this point that Jenna found out why its unwise to wear a white sports bra around water…can you say “see through”? Ah yes hashing doesn’t suck!
Just as they were getting out Blow limped into view, favoring his bad knee. At this point I was off again, knowing I only had a half a mile to go to the first beer stop. Shortly the thirsty hashers and virgins arrived at the “B” and the brewskis were popped open. Let me just say this: Triathletes can drink. Blow lead the group in a song and I was off. I laid a pretty easy trail and made it to Browns Farm with the pack at my heels. Let me just say this: Triathletes can freak’n run too! That leg was too close for comfort. At the second beer stop I did my best to slow down the FRB’s by issuing double doses of amber brew. Blow led us in another song and I was off
July 21st 2007 SWINGS BOTH WAYS FIRST HASH AS A GM HASH # 475
again. It was a beeeautiful day in the woods. Birds chirping and a gentle breeze at my back. Wait! What the FUCK was that! The four virgin chickey babes were hollering “ONON” in the best hash fashion and were closing fast. Shit! They were no longer running on flour but had me in sight. The choices were to allow the cuties to “catch” me or to beat feet. Somehow getting “caught” by two blondes and two brunettes didn’t seem to be such a bad thing… My pride got the best of me and I flew back into the parking lot with the hotties right behind me. Soon CPB and Keith trotted in and we heard Blow not far back.
Down Downs commenced. The virgins were made to drink for being FRB’s. Blow drank for being DFL and poor attendance. He also drank for his new “300 Hashes” mug. I drank for several reasons…all lies. CPB drank for having cute toes. The virgins showed they too can drink and still look good. Blow smiled. CPB giggled. We sang the Virgins the virgin song. When CPB dropped her tights to moon them, she exposed a sexy black thong. The ante was upped. On of the newbies showed off a body piercing in the most unusual place. And no, not where you’re thinking… Very Nice. Let me just note; there wasn’t a tan line to be found between all five chicks… Hashing doesn’t suck!
Well that’s about all. If you weren’t there…. you missed it. And that’s the way it was cause I’m writing this…and no one else would right these damn things!!!!!
Get your Asses out and support your hash.
I am Swings Both Ways
Down Downs commenced. The virgins were made to drink for being FRB’s. Blow drank for being DFL and poor attendance. He also drank for his new “300 Hashes” mug. I drank for several reasons…all lies. CPB drank for having cute toes. The virgins showed they too can drink and still look good. Blow smiled. CPB giggled. We sang the Virgins the virgin song. When CPB dropped her tights to moon them, she exposed a sexy black thong. The ante was upped. On of the newbies showed off a body piercing in the most unusual place. And no, not where you’re thinking… Very Nice. Let me just note; there wasn’t a tan line to be found between all five chicks… Hashing doesn’t suck!
Well that’s about all. If you weren’t there…. you missed it. And that’s the way it was cause I’m writing this…and no one else would right these damn things!!!!!
Get your Asses out and support your hash.
I am Swings Both Ways