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SATURDAY IS A HASHING DAY! We all met at the Shorehaven Campgrounds in the Historic little town of Waterford (Washington slept here!) When we arrived at the hash, the hares handed out a mini song book filled with our favourite hash songs, and a personalized flask that we could fill with whatever we wanted out of the well-stocked cooler. After getting my fill of tequila and Apple Pucker – I look around and what do I see? Buffalo Hashers? In Eerie? CRAZEE! We were graced by the presence of 4 stunningly sexy Buffalo hashers – Mount Me in the Mud, Dr. Fuqsalot, SS Crash and Too Good To Be Goo. FRESH MEAT! We L-O-V-E Fresh Meat! The only thing we love more than fresh meat is VIRGINS and there were a couple of them in attendance as well!!! What a great day this will be! We had Virgin Jennifer (New Car Smell’s sister) and her hubby Jason. Also in attendance was YTBN Chris. Who made him cum? New Car Smell! (I bet she did!). We even had a hasher that started his hashing career in Beijing (YTBN Peter)! Amongst the regulars were Schlabotnik the Russian Sausage Mullet (I was so happy to finally get the down-low on his naming – do ask – I highly recommend it) – Beer Tool, Pet Her Peter, YTBN Jennifer, YTBN Jose, New Car Smell, and me, Crazee Pong Bitch. OK! LET’S HASH!
The hares started us out on a short little jaunt to our first beer stop, where we were given MORE GOODIES! We got squirt guns (NOT filled with liquor), badges and pens and a WANTED booklet filled with information on the devious little gnomes we wood be hunting. We were sent out on on our task. The first gnome, Bryan Fuckmeintheass, was found by SS Crash. According to our booklet, this guy is a hognomesexual and aspires to create a gnome army gay pride parade! What a find.
As we arrived at the second beer stop we were informed we missed a gnome – doh! Point dockage. Heading (who said head?) to the 3rd beer stop, half the hash “accidentally” short-cuted and missed the 2 gnomes on trail entirely – hey! That air conditioned bar was way too inviting! Thank God for true hashers. Beer Tool brought the one gnome they found on trail – another gnome missed. OK – we’re 2 for 4. We may have to do a week of basic training next year before the next gnome hunt – cuz WE SUCK! The gnome Beer Tool found was Krayzee Eyez. According to the booklet – this guy used to protect opium crops and is now hooked on fairy dust. After entertaining the bar with a couple hash songs, we were on our way. This time we found ALL the gnomes on trail – thanks to Schlabotnik. According to our booklet – these gnomes were Creepy Mc Creeperson (no history) and Gomer A Polkawsky (who used to maintain balcony plants for the Ramone’s in the late 70’s and now grows asparagus). Each gnome had clues with them with math problems we had to solve (hashers + beer = REALLY BAD MATH SKILLS) – what the hell are these numbers for?????
As we arrived at the ON IN with our little gnomes in tow – we are informed by our hares that we have failed in our mission – we HAVE to find the DRUNKEN GNOME or we are NOT allowed to drink beer! So back on on trail we go – looking for the drunken gnome. Virgin Jason heads down the check and low and behold – there is the drunken gnome – chained and padlocked to a tree! Padlock? Where do we get the combination to undo the padlock? (Could it have anything to do with the Stooopid math problems we had to solve earlier??) – Aww screw it – just rip the whole freaking tree out of the ground and carry that big ass gnome back to camp – we’re thirsty damn it!
Mission Accomplished!
Arriving back in camp, we were joined by Cum in Me and Mouth Full of Meat who brought VIRGIN Harold. They were late because MFOM was playing in a softball tournament that day and as we found out – could not walk, because she had a possible fractured ankle! But hey – you can go to the hospital ANYTIME! There were down downs to do! So as we escorted MFOM to a comfy chair – in walked Pinch a Loaf and Soggy Box! Yeah! The RA is here – it IS time for DOWN DOWNS!
The hares started us out on a short little jaunt to our first beer stop, where we were given MORE GOODIES! We got squirt guns (NOT filled with liquor), badges and pens and a WANTED booklet filled with information on the devious little gnomes we wood be hunting. We were sent out on on our task. The first gnome, Bryan Fuckmeintheass, was found by SS Crash. According to our booklet, this guy is a hognomesexual and aspires to create a gnome army gay pride parade! What a find.
As we arrived at the second beer stop we were informed we missed a gnome – doh! Point dockage. Heading (who said head?) to the 3rd beer stop, half the hash “accidentally” short-cuted and missed the 2 gnomes on trail entirely – hey! That air conditioned bar was way too inviting! Thank God for true hashers. Beer Tool brought the one gnome they found on trail – another gnome missed. OK – we’re 2 for 4. We may have to do a week of basic training next year before the next gnome hunt – cuz WE SUCK! The gnome Beer Tool found was Krayzee Eyez. According to the booklet – this guy used to protect opium crops and is now hooked on fairy dust. After entertaining the bar with a couple hash songs, we were on our way. This time we found ALL the gnomes on trail – thanks to Schlabotnik. According to our booklet – these gnomes were Creepy Mc Creeperson (no history) and Gomer A Polkawsky (who used to maintain balcony plants for the Ramone’s in the late 70’s and now grows asparagus). Each gnome had clues with them with math problems we had to solve (hashers + beer = REALLY BAD MATH SKILLS) – what the hell are these numbers for?????
As we arrived at the ON IN with our little gnomes in tow – we are informed by our hares that we have failed in our mission – we HAVE to find the DRUNKEN GNOME or we are NOT allowed to drink beer! So back on on trail we go – looking for the drunken gnome. Virgin Jason heads down the check and low and behold – there is the drunken gnome – chained and padlocked to a tree! Padlock? Where do we get the combination to undo the padlock? (Could it have anything to do with the Stooopid math problems we had to solve earlier??) – Aww screw it – just rip the whole freaking tree out of the ground and carry that big ass gnome back to camp – we’re thirsty damn it!
Mission Accomplished!
Arriving back in camp, we were joined by Cum in Me and Mouth Full of Meat who brought VIRGIN Harold. They were late because MFOM was playing in a softball tournament that day and as we found out – could not walk, because she had a possible fractured ankle! But hey – you can go to the hospital ANYTIME! There were down downs to do! So as we escorted MFOM to a comfy chair – in walked Pinch a Loaf and Soggy Box! Yeah! The RA is here – it IS time for DOWN DOWNS!
1. Not Enough Gnomes – YTBN Jose, YTBN Jen, Pet Her Peter
2. Out of Towners – SS Crash, Too Good to be Goo, Mount Me in the Mud, Dr. Fuqsalot, and YTBN Peter
3. Late Cummers – Cum In Me, Mouth Full of Meat, Virgin Harold, Pinch a Loaf, Soggy Box
4. FRB – SS Crash & YTBN Peter
5. Competitive R*nning – Mount Me in the Mud (she is training to r*n in the NYC Marathon)
6. DFL – Schlabotnik & Beer Tool (what were they doing??????)
7. Virgins – Jennifer, Jason, Harold
8. Late Cummers (AGAIN) – Menage Blow & the Umpire from the Softball Tournament
9. Peeing in Circle – Beer Tool and Dr. Faqsalot
10. Shortcutting – Half the freaking hash
11. Softball Players – Mouth Full of Meat
12. Backsliders – Beer Tool, Schlabotnik, New Car Smell, Soggy & Pinch
13. Any ho with a name and no tag – Mouth Full of Meat & Pet Her Peter
PET HER PETER WAS PRESENTED WITH HER TAG!!!!
14. August Birthdays – Mount Me in the Mud
15. 100 Hashes – Pinchy & Soggy
PINCH & SOGGY GOT THEIR 100 HASHES PATCH & MUG!!!!
That was pretty much it for down downs – we feasted on on burgers and baked potatoes – what a fine hash it was!
RU?
Crazee Pong Bitch
RU?
Crazee Pong Bitch
August 11th 2007 - 1st Anal Drunken Gnome Hunt Hash
