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A voice on my radio broke the stillness of the woods. It was Capt. Fuckface asking for a sit rep. I replied that I was less than 300 meters north of the Landing Zone where she waited for the hashers to assemble. Sgt Joe called in and reported that he was back at the Forward Operating Base, about a click west of the Capt’s position. A look at my watch showed 1410 hours. Capt Fuckface radioed back that our GM’estress, MISS LIBERTITTIES and a travelling hasher, WANKERMAN of Nittany Valley had arrived. I acknowledged her transmission and headed out of the bush to join them. Soon two more travelling hashers, SMILF and WEE WILLIE, also of Nittany Valley touched down in the LZ. As we re hydrated with some brews, Sgt Joe finished his work back at the FOB. We had established the base camp the day before and had spent most of the morning laying in provisions of BEER, ice, BEER, snacks, BEER, firewood, BEER and camping equipment in preparations for our hash. In the meantime TENDER VITTLES parked his hash mobile and joined the pre hash festivities. No sooner than had Sgt Joe rendezvoused with us, did a four-wheeler drive into the LZ. Seems they were the “neighbours” and were concerned with us parking in the “hayfield”. Having dated a cutie from this area in the past, I was familiar with this “field” and knew it was no hayfield at all but … just the same we moved the vehicles back down the lane to our FOB. While this compromised the first leg of trail, it seemed like a simple thing. How wrong we were! About this time SIR and HO joined us. HO was nursing a bad knee from a previous mission and wood be joining Capt Fuck Face today.
Zero hour was upon us and we sent out the squad of camouflaged hashers onto trail. The four of us saddled up and move into the woods to the first beer stop. Earlier Sgt Joe and myself had pre-selected mortar positions with which to ambush the aggressor squad of hashers. We would be using water balloons. It was just a few meters shy of the first beer stop. Sgt Joe was positioned just inside the wood line, while I was hidden in the tall grass of the field. Capt Fuckface and HO were held back as a security squad near the beer.
Presently the sound of approaching hashers could be heard. Radio discipline was maintained but Sgt Joe and I exchanged a quick glance before ducking into our positions. We could see Sir and TV walking point with the rest of the squad back a few paces. As soon as Sir and TV diddy bopped into the kill zone, we started mortaring them with water balloons. Both hashers were immediately hit. The balance of the aggressor squad reacted quickly. Unbeknownst to us they were carrying unconventional weapons. SNACK CAKES! While Sgt Joe and I tossed round after round of water balloons, the hashers opened up with Ho-Ho’s, Little Debbie’s,Twinkies and Snowballs. At a thousand calories apiece, these were some serious weapons! I saw that Sgt Joe was about to be overrun and adjusted my fire “danger close” in the hope he would be able to escape and evade. I only had one round on his position when I saw him go down after taking a Ding Dong to the face. The Nittany Hashers had taken his position. Suddenly Miss Tits burst through the grass into my perimeter. I tried to get my primary weapon up but it was too late. Dressed in camouflaged pants and cammo bikini top she bounced into my firing pit and laid me out with a cream filled Zinger to the head. What a way to go…
Securing their victory the hashers advanced upon the beer stop with little opposition leaving Sgt Joe and I to lick our wounds. As I stumbled out into the kill zone the carnage was evident. Snack cakes and spent wrappers littered the ground. We had been had. So we did what anyone else wood have done and grabbed a beer.
Wankerm and, Smilf, Wee Willie joined by Miss Tits, Sir and TV seemed to have cum through the first leg of trail in good shape. But there were two more legs to go and we would have the last laugh. I had just strapped into the backpack of beer for the next beer stop when we heard a car horn beeping back at our FOB. I assumed it was Soggy Box and Pinch a Loaf returning from Hell. Seriously they were in Hell!!!
Hell Michigan has a running r*ace every year and Pinch is one of the “in charge” guys. Anyway's I yelled “on-on” but didn’t get a reply. A cloud came over Joe’s face. It was the “neighbours” back for more. Sgt Joe jogged back to base camp while I waited. After ten minutes he returned really pissed saying that we had to evac the area. The “fucking neighbours” had called the landlord bitching that we were a bunch of hippies trashing the place and turning it into another Woodstock. I don’t know, maybe they were worried we would find their weed growing in the “hayfield”. In any case we returned back to the hash and told them we were evicted…a first for the Eerie Hash I am sure.
So the nine of us laughed at the premise of us being compared to Woodstockers and tore down camp. We left nothing, not even the firewood. Tender Vittles had generously volunteered his camp a few miles away for our “relocation”. And off we went. In very short order we had reestablished camp at TV’s. A fire was started and beers were drunk.
Zero hour was upon us and we sent out the squad of camouflaged hashers onto trail. The four of us saddled up and move into the woods to the first beer stop. Earlier Sgt Joe and myself had pre-selected mortar positions with which to ambush the aggressor squad of hashers. We would be using water balloons. It was just a few meters shy of the first beer stop. Sgt Joe was positioned just inside the wood line, while I was hidden in the tall grass of the field. Capt Fuckface and HO were held back as a security squad near the beer.
Presently the sound of approaching hashers could be heard. Radio discipline was maintained but Sgt Joe and I exchanged a quick glance before ducking into our positions. We could see Sir and TV walking point with the rest of the squad back a few paces. As soon as Sir and TV diddy bopped into the kill zone, we started mortaring them with water balloons. Both hashers were immediately hit. The balance of the aggressor squad reacted quickly. Unbeknownst to us they were carrying unconventional weapons. SNACK CAKES! While Sgt Joe and I tossed round after round of water balloons, the hashers opened up with Ho-Ho’s, Little Debbie’s,Twinkies and Snowballs. At a thousand calories apiece, these were some serious weapons! I saw that Sgt Joe was about to be overrun and adjusted my fire “danger close” in the hope he would be able to escape and evade. I only had one round on his position when I saw him go down after taking a Ding Dong to the face. The Nittany Hashers had taken his position. Suddenly Miss Tits burst through the grass into my perimeter. I tried to get my primary weapon up but it was too late. Dressed in camouflaged pants and cammo bikini top she bounced into my firing pit and laid me out with a cream filled Zinger to the head. What a way to go…
Securing their victory the hashers advanced upon the beer stop with little opposition leaving Sgt Joe and I to lick our wounds. As I stumbled out into the kill zone the carnage was evident. Snack cakes and spent wrappers littered the ground. We had been had. So we did what anyone else wood have done and grabbed a beer.
Wankerm and, Smilf, Wee Willie joined by Miss Tits, Sir and TV seemed to have cum through the first leg of trail in good shape. But there were two more legs to go and we would have the last laugh. I had just strapped into the backpack of beer for the next beer stop when we heard a car horn beeping back at our FOB. I assumed it was Soggy Box and Pinch a Loaf returning from Hell. Seriously they were in Hell!!!
Hell Michigan has a running r*ace every year and Pinch is one of the “in charge” guys. Anyway's I yelled “on-on” but didn’t get a reply. A cloud came over Joe’s face. It was the “neighbours” back for more. Sgt Joe jogged back to base camp while I waited. After ten minutes he returned really pissed saying that we had to evac the area. The “fucking neighbours” had called the landlord bitching that we were a bunch of hippies trashing the place and turning it into another Woodstock. I don’t know, maybe they were worried we would find their weed growing in the “hayfield”. In any case we returned back to the hash and told them we were evicted…a first for the Eerie Hash I am sure.
So the nine of us laughed at the premise of us being compared to Woodstockers and tore down camp. We left nothing, not even the firewood. Tender Vittles had generously volunteered his camp a few miles away for our “relocation”. And off we went. In very short order we had reestablished camp at TV’s. A fire was started and beers were drunk.
August 13, 2005 Cammo and Ammo Hash #412
About this time Soggy and Pinchy did arrive at our new location. We couldn’t help notice that Pinch had his entire right hand bandaged to the elbow. Seems he was loading a motorcycle onto a truck when he attempted to turn himself into a Corry hasher by partially amputating his pointer finger. Damn now THAT is real homage to the Corry boys! He had to hold his hand above his head. SMILF, who is a teacher in real life (school teacher you perves!) though he had his hand up for a reason and kept calling on him… beer will do that to ya.
Because we did one leg of trail and there was a beer stop, we decide to call it complete. Pinch awarded down downs to the hares, to Miss Tits for being FRB the second week in a row, to Smilf, Wee Willie and Wankerman for getting bored with Nittany and cummn to Eerie, everybody in cammo, everybody out of cammo, Sir for losing his tags (he lost them again), for our guest who arrived late: Ménage Blow, Dinky and Shortze and for a bunch of other things I can’t recall.
After we ate, drank and ate some more, Fuckface was worried the hash was still pissed that we got evicted. In her best way possible she tried to cheer us up. Remember the movie “When Harry Met Sally’? Recall the scene when Meg Ryan’s character shows how to “fake an orgasm” while they are sitting in the restaurant? Well somehow Fuck Face got a hold of one of my radio’s, gave another to Wee Wille and Wankerman and did her most convincing rendition of that scene. It was so hot that Wee Willie had to sit on ice to maintain his composure. Sensing that was still not enough to cheer up the hash, Fuckface then enlisted Soggy Box to help remove some cream filling from her double D’s in a most memorable way… you can fill in the blanks. All I can say is “ Shoez – you missed it “!!!
After Fuckface finished cheering us up, we drank and ate. We made Smores and roasted marshmallows. Wankerman showed us how they do it in Nittany. Using a leaf rake he was able to roast a dozen marshmallows at a time. Now that’s college educated for you! Sometime after midnight a thunderstorm rolled in. We watched the light show for a while then scurried of to bed.
As far as the Cammo and Ammo hash, this is just the highlight. I’m sure there are things that I missed or miss understood. But cause no one else will write these damn things, that’s the way it was…and you missed a hell of good time…hehehe, Shoez you really missed a hell of a good time!
I am Swings Both Ways.
Because we did one leg of trail and there was a beer stop, we decide to call it complete. Pinch awarded down downs to the hares, to Miss Tits for being FRB the second week in a row, to Smilf, Wee Willie and Wankerman for getting bored with Nittany and cummn to Eerie, everybody in cammo, everybody out of cammo, Sir for losing his tags (he lost them again), for our guest who arrived late: Ménage Blow, Dinky and Shortze and for a bunch of other things I can’t recall.
After we ate, drank and ate some more, Fuckface was worried the hash was still pissed that we got evicted. In her best way possible she tried to cheer us up. Remember the movie “When Harry Met Sally’? Recall the scene when Meg Ryan’s character shows how to “fake an orgasm” while they are sitting in the restaurant? Well somehow Fuck Face got a hold of one of my radio’s, gave another to Wee Wille and Wankerman and did her most convincing rendition of that scene. It was so hot that Wee Willie had to sit on ice to maintain his composure. Sensing that was still not enough to cheer up the hash, Fuckface then enlisted Soggy Box to help remove some cream filling from her double D’s in a most memorable way… you can fill in the blanks. All I can say is “ Shoez – you missed it “!!!
After Fuckface finished cheering us up, we drank and ate. We made Smores and roasted marshmallows. Wankerman showed us how they do it in Nittany. Using a leaf rake he was able to roast a dozen marshmallows at a time. Now that’s college educated for you! Sometime after midnight a thunderstorm rolled in. We watched the light show for a while then scurried of to bed.
As far as the Cammo and Ammo hash, this is just the highlight. I’m sure there are things that I missed or miss understood. But cause no one else will write these damn things, that’s the way it was…and you missed a hell of good time…hehehe, Shoez you really missed a hell of a good time!
I am Swings Both Ways.